Saturday, February 1, 2014

Aerosmith - Big Ones

Here's a great way to kill part of a Sunday afternoon, sit back and listen to the most commercial Aerosmith music ever released on a package that was meant to commemorate the most radio friendly portion of a sober band's career. Well, it is supposed to be the most sober anyway.

I've already covered Aerosmith's Permanent Vacation, so for those songs on here I won't get into much. I've covered that already, and that I'm a fan of many of those tracks. The songs on this album from Pump are also fun and enjoyable. Then you get to the songs from Get A Grip. That's when I totally start shaking my head. Plus there's a couple of previously unreleased tracks on here too. All from the Geffen era. Sadly, this album was released before Nine Lives (which was after Geffen), so none of those amazing songs made this collection. Damn shame too. It would have livened up the album a bit more.

Big Ones kicks off with Walk On Water which was rescored for this album, or was a left over from one of the other albums. However, this track was co-writen by Jack Blades and Tommy Shaw, which wrote some really great songs in the mid nineties, with a whole slew of my favourite musicians. While this song is somewhat forgettable, as in I haven't listened to it since I listened to this album last, which was in the end of the last century or the start of the new millenium. However, it's not a bad track, and the lyrics aren't half bad. "High class / Moolah / Bolt ons / Fast car / Quick fix / Freak out / Nose bleed / Skull cap / Pissed off / Pissed on / I never seen a smile that looked so sad / You make me feel so good 'cause you're so bad / Hey little darlin' / Your love is legendary / Love's four letters / Ain't in my dictionary / 'Scuse my position / But it ain't missionary / Yeah but I want to / Walk on the water with you / Boo-tay / Hotpants / Tan line / Sweet stuff / Hookah / Boo yah / Knocked Up / Hose Down / Cool cat / Hot flash / When it comes to makin' love I ain't no hype / 'Cause I practise on a peach most every night / Hey little darlin' / Your love is legendary / Love's four letters / Ain't in my dictionary / 'Scuse my position / But it ain't missionary / Yeah but I want to / Walk on the water with you / Well, the cook's in the kitchen / And hidin' the spoons / I'm winkin' at witches / And howlin' at moons / I'm afraid of the candle / But Live for the flame / You know who I am / But you don't know my name / (Aha, ha, ha, ha) / Hey little darlin' / Your love is legendary / Love's four letters / Ain't in my dictionary / 'Scuse my position / But it ain't missionary / Yeah but I want to / Walk on the water with you / Hey little darlin' / Your love is legendary / You got the boo yah / It's almost ficitonary / 'Scuse my position / But it ain't missionary / Yeah, but I want to / Walk on the water with you".

Next up is Love In An Elevator. Yes, it's Aerosmith cheesy, and it's this over produced commercial track, but it really is a fun song.

That's followed up by Rag Doll. Which I've covered before. "Rag Doll is another countryesque romp. The video makes it look like a New Orleans cat house, but the reality is that it should have been shot out on a farm, with Besty Sue in some Daisy Dukes milking a cow. I know the censors would have had a field day, but it would have seemed more authentic. I do like the drawn out Scat style singing at the end of this one."

I'm not really sure why or how What It Takes got on here. I know it was a single, or tried to be, but really it was just another Aerosmith love song, and this album has so many of them. Too many for me, and this really isn't any better than those that are still to come, that I will rip on.

The next bit is direct from another review. "You know the next song. It was the big comeback video, and radio single. Dude (Looks Like A Lady) is the most classic sounding song on the album. There's Rock, horns, a great beat, and a solo worth listening to, without it seeming forced. However, like most songs on Permanent Vacation the song runs about a minute too long." While I would normally rip on such a mellow Aerosmith song, I can't say anything bad about Janie's Got A Gun, except for it was way too overplayed. It really got to a point where I couldn't stand listening to this song anymore. But the message is huge and says such big things for a song released by America's answer to the drug fueled rock and roll of The Rolling Stones. "Dum, dum, dum, honey what have you done? / Dum, dum, dum it's the sound of my gun. / Dum, dum, dum, honey what have you done? / Dum, dum, dum it's the sound / Janie's got a gun / Janie's got a gun / Her whole world's come undone / From lookin' straight at the sun / What did her daddy do? / What did he put you through? / They said when Janie was arrested / they found him underneath a train / But man, he had it comin' Now that Janie's got a gun / she ain't never gonna be the same. / Janie's got a gun / Janie's got a gun / Her dog day's just begun / Now everybody is on the run / Tell me now it's untrue. / What did her daddy do? / He jacked a little bitty baby / The man has got to be insane / They say the spell that he was under the lightning and the / thunder knew that someone had to stop the rain / Run away, run away from the pain yeah, yeah yeah yeah / Run away run away from the pain yeah yeah / yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah / Run away, run away, run, run away / Janie's got a gun / Janie's got a gun / Her dog day's just begun / Now everybody is on the run / What did her daddy do? / It's Janie's last I.O.U. / She had to take him down easy and put a bullet in his brain / She said 'cause nobody believes me. The man was such a sleeze. / He ain't never gonna be the same. / Run away, run away from the pain yeah, yeah / yeah yeah yeah / Run away run away from the pain yeah yeah / yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah / Run away, run away, run, run away / Janie's got a gun / Janie's got a gun / Janie's got a gun / Everybody is on the run / Janie's got a gun / Her dog day's just begun / Now everybody is on the run / Because Janie's got a gun / Janie's got a gun / Her dog day's just begun / Now everybody is on the run / Janie's got a gun".

So we finally get to the songs I feel a need to rip on. Cryin' had one purpose and one purpose only. The music video was great mastabatory material for a teenage boy. That's it. As far as I'm concerned Aerosmith released this song with the whole purpose of releasing PG porn for teenage boys and closested lesbians, because as much as we like to think the things from the video happened in real life, they still don't happen that easily today. Also the video introduced us to Liv Tyler, which later got to become a great looking elf (I mean that in the sense she looked perfect in her role in Lord Of The Rings, not that she's hot.)

That leads into Amazing. This was the second Aerosmith video to feature Alicia Silverstone. Which also makes me wonder why they put it after Cryin' since it came out before. Also I can't stand the song. It's dry, boring and I really think that the band should feel ashamed that they released the same song three times on the same album. I'll get to that more when I hit one of the later tracks.

Next up is Blind Man. This is the second new song that was released on this album. While the song is a little slower I do enjoy the lyrics to some extent. "I took a course in Hallelujah / I went to night school for the blues / I took some stuff they said would cool ya / Haha, But nothing seemed to light my fuse / But that's all in the past / Like a check that's in the mail / She was a tall whiskey glass / I was an old hound dog / That just loved to chase his tail / Until I met a Blind Man / Who taught me how to see / Yeah, A Blind Man / Who could change night into day / And if-a I can / I'm gonna make you come with me / Yeah, Because a-here comes the sun / And we'll be chasing all the clouds away / I've had some lovers like a joyride / Some things are never what they seem / My heaven's turned into a landslide / Thank God I woke up from that dream / I met a Blind Man / Who taught me how to see / Yeah, A Blind Man / Who could change night into day / And if-a I can / I'm gonna make you come with me / Yeah, BECAUSE-a here comes the sun / And we'll be chasing all the clouds the way / the way that some bees chase honey / And drink all the flowers dry / We'll be saving us a little money / And if that doesn't do it, yeah / I don't know the reason why / Don't make no sense in lightin' candles / There's too much moonlight in our eyes / I met a Blind Man / Who taught me how to see / Yeah, Blind Man / Who could change night into day / And if-a I can / I'm gonna make you come with me / Oh, Oh, Oh, Oh, Yeah, Because here comes the sun / Ain't no surprise / Ain't no doubt about it / Gonna open up our eyes". Musically, I think the vocals are pushed too far forward, and the guitar is buried too low in the mix, but if it weren't for that the song would sound much cooler. Also I suggest Youtubing the video for the song. It's such a good laugh.

I don't mind Dueces Are Wild. It's one of those songs that has a great vibe and feel to it. It sounds like you could easily hear it in a bar scene in a movie, and it would make sense. This is one of those power ballads that you can be okay with, because it's more power and less ballad. This is one of the few songs from that time I would still like to hear live today. To this day I haven't made up my mind about how much I like or dislike The Other Side. Musically, I like the way the song is arranged and organized, but I don't care for how upbeat it gets. I like the dark and slightly more sinister sound of the intro/chorus. However, I do really dig on Joe Perry's solo on this one.

I have only one good thing to say about Crazy. The video introduced me to Alicia Silverstone. Like many other boys in those years, I really had a thing for her. Other than that, this song was the beginning of the end for Aerosmith with me. This song started the long running list of Aerosmith ballads that killed the airwaves for a year or more. While it has some interesting musical exploration for a Boston Rock band, it really is enough to make you want to top yourself after a couple listens.

Eat The Rich Is really a good tune. It's got a great rhythm, and a bass that is thick clear and heavy. Steven Tyler's vocals snake into a pocket that is filled by Joe Perry's guitar leads, while Steven Tyler lays down his classic Walk This Way styled rapping. The track is Slam Poetry mixed with some bad ass Rock 'N Roll.

Because of all the other ballads I've had to endure at this point I'm very annoyed with having to listen to Angel now. Really, I understand why, but why did you have to be that much of a cliche. Something different could have been done at this point to save us from yet another ballad. The worst part is this is so eighties power ballad that it makes me want to get a little sick in my mouth. I don't even have warm fuzzy memories of girls, that really weren't that much older than me, doing bad girl things, to get me excited about this song. After all I have to thank Aerosmith from the bottom of my heart for making belly button piercing a little more mainstream, but that has nothing to do with this MTV piece of crap, and yes I see the irony.

I remember really being into Livin' On The Edge, when the song first came out. I still really like it now, and yes I still think of little Eddie Furlong in his post Termintator 2 appearence which just made Aerosmith that much cooler. Well played you corporate flunkies, well played. However, all that aside this song stand up. I still love the way the drums come back in that silence. And how the song carries on and on until the end.

By the end of this album I think one of my kids is getting it the second I pull it out of the CD player because I really don't feel a need to ever hear it again. For Andria's benefit I may break down and buy Get A Grip, but this album doesn't need to be played again. It's not my thing, but I think it's got my daughter's name all over it.

I should mention that even though I rag on how commercial these songs are, the truth is the production is still really, really good. Bruce Fairbairn produced all the songs that came from the studio albums. The man knows what he's doing, and does it really well. For that reason it really sells. Micheal Beinhorn produced the two new tracks. In some ways they sound like they mimic Bruce's style, in other ways it sounds like these song were demo'd for one of those albums, and Micheal got them put together for this album. Either way he did a good job, I think he captured the songs right. I thought Permanent Vacation warranted an eight when I did the review for that album. Even though I don't care for most of the songs on here from Get A Grip I would say that the production was really good. Probably a solid nine. As for the songs from Pump, they too have a solid eight as well. I'm sure you can see where I'm going with that.

7/10 - content

8/10 - production

5/10 - personal bias

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